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Seyi and I have been together since September 2024, so that’s almost two years.
We were co-workers. He was already working at the company when I resumed in late 2023, but we worked remotely and were in different departments, so we didn’t cross paths.
Six months after I started working there, the company laid off staff because of a “restructuring”, and I was affected. I was devastated, especially because I’d left my previous role for the job. Seyi was one of the few coworkers who entered our DMs (the other affected employees and me) to sympathise with us. He took it a step further and promised to send me job openings. I didn’t take him seriously, though.
I assumed it was just one of those nice things people say to make you feel better, so while I gave him my WhatsApp number for the promised updates, I wasn’t really expecting him to send anything. But he did. He constantly sent me job vacancies and even helped me revamp my CV.
Friendship came first. He became the person I ranted to about job applications and interviews. After a while, we realised we had a lot in common. We swapped movie recommendations and song playlists.
In August 2024, about two months after I was laid off, he invited me to his brother’s wedding. I remember seeing him at the wedding and thinking, “This guy is actually fine o.” Apparently, he thought the same, too. The vibes shifted after that. We stopped communicating on a “just friends” basis and transitioned into a talking stage.
A month later, he asked me out, and we officially started dating.
Very unemployed. I got some virtual assistance gigs here and there, but nothing significant. To make matters worse, my rent was up, and I didn’t have money to pay. I had to endure a few months of squatting with friends all over Lagos because I didn’t want to return to my parents’ house in Ogun State.
Seyi was very helpful during this period. He was always sending me random ₦20k almost every week and said it was “so you can focus on job search without worrying”. He essentially bankrolled me.
I finally got a job in January 2025, but then I had an issue with the friend I was staying with and had to leave. I didn’t have any money to rent a new place, so I started living with Seyi. It was supposed to be for a few months until I saved enough or got a loan from my siblings to get a new place, but you know how Lagos housing is. Finding a reasonable place that wasn’t expensive as hell took forever. I just moved out in May this year.
Seyi paid for almost everything. My job was on-site for the most part until I resigned early this year to face virtual assistance. That meant I often returned home late, too tired to cook. So, we mostly ordered food, which Seyi paid for. He also handled other expenses, such as fuel and utility bills.
I assisted in my own way, though. I did the chores, chipped in for fuel sometimes, and bought foodstuff for the few times we cooked.
For the most part, yes. But of course, there was the occasional friction. One thing we often argued about was Seyi’s tendency to keep the apartment messy. It was almost like he was allergic to picking up after himself. I thought that was wild. How can you be an adult, and someone has to remind you to clean your space? So yeah, we fought quite a lot about that.
One time, I was so pissed, I left the house, threatening not to return unless he washed the plates. It took him a few days of dragging it out, but he eventually washed them, and I returned.
Another source of friction was his spending habits. Before we started living together, I thought he was simply being generous to me because we were dating. After I moved in, I realised that’s how he generally spends money.
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Seyi is the type to send money to every health fundraiser he sees on Twitter. One time, he went out to buy fuel and returned home with an empty keg. When I asked why he didn’t buy fuel, he said he’d given the ₦10k to a friend he saw on the way. That was the last ₦10k he had at home and abroad. I had to bring out money to buy the fuel.
Besides his need for generosity, he spends a bit carelessly. He can see a shirt he likes and buy it on the spot, forgetting there’s such a thing as budgeting for the month. If you ask him why, he’ll be like, “But I need this thing. It’s not like I’ll buy it again tomorrow.” I’m not sure if he understands the difference between a need and a want.
He doesn’t save or plan his money. Once it enters his hand, he spends it freely if a need arises. Overspending is the only word for it. It’s like he doesn’t even think of emergencies. It’s particularly worrying because, since being laid off, I’ve been intentional about my finances. He knows I’m always talking about savings and investment options, but he doesn’t seem inclined to change.
It might be. He’s perfect in every other area, but I can’t help thinking finances are important too. Imagine being married and never being at peace because I’m worried my husband will spend our children’s school fees or use the rent to buy a new car.
It’s one reason I was deliberate about moving out of his place. It would have been easy to stay there, given the opportunity to save even more of my income. But I didn’t want a situation where I’d be too relaxed, and if, at any point in the future, I realised our financial differences were too much, I wouldn’t be able to leave because I was living with him.
So, while I’m talking to him and hoping he grows up soon, I’m prepared to leave the relationship if it comes down to it. I don’t foresee a positive future with an overspender who doesn’t plan his finances. Hopefully, things change.
Seyi is really good at giving intentional gifts; I’ll give him that. I only need to mention I need something in passing, and he gets it for me. Sometimes, he just notices I might need something and buys it for me. A few weeks ago, I complained about headaches from constant laptop use, and he bought me anti-blue light glasses.
I buy him things he might need, too. I noticed he was constantly wearing one pair of palm slippers, so I spent ₦20k to buy him another pair two months ago. We really just gift each other like that.
I try to save between ₦50k and ₦200k monthly, depending on my income. Then I divide it, putting one half into my mutual funds and the other half into my regular savings. Altogether, I have about ₦850k in my portfolio.
I’m still worried about whether we even have a future. But if things work out, I have a couple of business ideas I’d like us to try. First on the list is building shortlets across Lagos. That business is a goldmine.
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*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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