“I Started to Hate Him” — Nigerians on Dating Someone Going Through Financial Hardship

Would you stay with your partner if they suddenly lost everything? 

It’s an easy promise to make when the bills are paid, but far harder when one person becomes the sole provider. 

From failed businesses and layoffs to investment scams and career setbacks, these Nigerians share the experiences that shaped their answer, and why some say they’d never do it again.

My ex-boyfriend lost his clothing business to a fire accident in 2024 and got into debt. We lived together, so I took on every bill in the house, from food to generator fuel, while he focused on getting back on his feet. I wasn’t earning much myself from my hair business, but I genuinely wanted to be supportive. 

After almost a year of carrying everything, his presence began to irritate me. It felt like all we talked about was something else I needed to pay for. I ended the relationship because I was starting to hate him. I also didn’t want to put him under undue pressure to start providing when he was barely feeding himself. It’d have been different if we were married. There’s no point staying in a situation like that when we’re just dating. I’d leave again and again.

In 2023, my ex-girlfriend invested her life savings of about ₦1.2m into opening a small restaurant. She’d run a catering business while we were in uni, and wanted to explore running a proper business after we graduated. 

The increase in fuel prices, coupled with rising food prices and low sales, forced her to close six months after launch. I tried my best to encourage her, but she became distant and irritable. It was impossible to communicate with her. Every conversation turned into an argument, and we eventually broke up.

I don’t believe my partner’s financial situation should determine if I choose to stay. In this case, how she handled the failed business ended us, not her finances. Everyone goes through tough times, but she refused to see that I was trying to be there for her.

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My boyfriend imported phone accessories, and one shipment got seized at the port. Practically all his capital disappeared overnight. For almost six months, I assisted him financially and watched him start again from scratch. It wasn’t easy, but he never sat around waiting for miracles. 

He borrowed his dad’s car and registered on a cab-hailing service. He drove the cabs every evening and night and sold gadgets during the day. He even started a cleaning business.

We’re married now. I’m glad I stayed through that struggle phase. It showed me that hardship wouldn’t change his character, and whatever comes, he’s determined not to stay down. 

I lost almost all my savings in 2022 to an investment scam. I didn’t even have a job because I was studying for my master’s degree. I expected my girlfriend to leave because I became completely broke. Instead, she sat me down and helped me create a realistic recovery plan. She never made me feel like I was a burden.

We eventually broke up due to genotype incompatibility, but we’re still good friends. I’m also in a much better financial situation. If, in the future, my significant other suddenly goes broke, I’d stay too. I was once the broke partner, and someone gave me grace.

I have experienced both sides. Years ago, my ex lost his business and expected me to rescue him while he blamed everyone else for his problems. That relationship drained me emotionally and financially.

A few years later, my current partner’s company downsized, and he lost his job. The difference was night and day. He immediately started freelancing and cut back on expenses. He carried me along (still does) on every move he made and spoke openly about his challenges. That’s why I’m still in the relationship, even though he hasn’t gotten another 9-to-5 yet. 

I’m not scared by the possibility of financial hardship. Anything can happen, but what I won’t stand is someone expecting me to provide for him without showing workings that he’s actively trying to change his situation.

My husband was unemployed for almost two years after the company he worked for shut down. I never complained publicly because I didn’t want to embarrass him, but privately, I resented him. I resented having to always think about money and calculate everything. My husband likes to look good. During his unemployment, he was still buying clothes and getting me to pay for them.

He eventually found another job, and we’re still together, but I won’t pretend love conquered everything. If we weren’t already married, I honestly don’t think I would have stayed.

My last girlfriend was her family’s breadwinner. It was even the source of most of our arguments. I thought she was doing too much for everyone, but she never agreed. Sometime in 2025, she got laid off, and her family turned their attention to me.

Her mum called because her brother was ill and they needed to borrow hospital bills. I didn’t even have much of a relationship with her mum, but I still sent her ₦50k. She never paid back. The following week, she called me to borrow again. Omo, I shut it down immediately, and the relationship ended because my ex “didn’t like how I talked to her mum.”

My only regret is not leaving earlier. See how I almost inherited black tax. I don’t see myself staying in another situation like that.

Would you stay, or would you walk away? Watch Before We Fall Asleep, the latest installation in the Naijaonpoint Life Series, and join the conversation.

Like the stories above, Before We Fall Asleep asks what happens when financial hardship turns a relationship upside down. As Tola and Nazo struggle with unemployment, caregiving, and the pressure of making ends meet, they’re forced to decide whether love is enough. Watch the short film now on YouTube.

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