Author: Winifred Andem
Relocating for a relationship can mean leaving behind friends, family and the life you’ve built. But the move doesn’t always guarantee a happy ending. For some people, it comes with the fresh start they hoped for, while for others, it leads to pain and regrets.
In this story, five Nigerians who have made the hard move for love get honest about their experiences.
I met James* during the coronavirus lockdown in 2020. I was 17 and living in Calabar, while he was 26 and based in Port Harcourt. At the time, my father had disowned me after finding out I’d switched churches. James was building an app that allowed people to communicate without the internet, and our conversations about the project drew us closer. He eventually visited me, and I showed him around Calabar. Since we also planned to get married, I moved to Port Harcourt to be with him. I thought living together would help us build a stable future.
Instead, I ended up investing more in his project than in our relationship. I worked without pay and even secured a $10,000 grant to support the project. James spent half of the money on the project and the other half on himself and his family. I didn’t get a dime. The relationship eventually fell apart when I found out he’d only visited Calabar for his ex. He’d planned to get back with her, but she couldn’t see him when he arrived. I’ve learned never to alter my life plans for anyone again.
I left Lagos to be with my boyfriend in Ibadan last year. I didn’t expect much from the move; I just wanted to explore and seek new adventures in a different city. I’ll admit that leaving my other boyfriends, friends, and family behind felt a little uncomfortable, but it changed my relationship for the better. My boyfriend finally broke up with his girlfriend and committed to me. Looking back, I would absolutely make the decision to move again. He’s rich, generous, and thoughtful; he cooks for me and buys me everything I want. I have everything I need here.
I met Felix* around 2019 or 2020 in Calabar, where both our families lived. I was studying in Port Harcourt but came home during the holidays, and that’s how we started dating.
After school, moving back to Calabar felt like the natural next step since we were already together. I sacrificed a budding career and the community I’d built in the fashion scene. We already had problems with infidelity, so I hoped being closer would help us fix things. And for a while, it did.
However, being together constantly started to change things. We lost the novelty of having separate lives, and the relationship became the centre of my life. Felix, on the other hand, kept making new friends and having new experiences. I felt so excluded, so I withdrew from everyone. Eventually, I left for NYSC and we broke up.
My partner and I had been together for about four years when we moved to the UK two and a half years ago. Before that, we’d lived together on the Island in Lagos for about a year and seven months. Moving required real sacrifice; we both resigned from our jobs, and I had to stop my business. I also wasn’t sure our relationship was mature enough to handle such a huge decision.
Our first visa application was denied, so we reapplied as unmarried partners. After it was approved, my partner stayed in Lagos to look for a job while I went ahead and settled in first. Being apart from her during that stretch was hard. When she finally joined me, I expected that life together would feel more settled. It did, but not in the way I imagined. Still, loving my partner openly and safely has given me the freedom to imagine a future together.
I first met Hope* on Instagram in 2023, but she turned me down because she thought I was too young. Then we reconnected in 2025. At the time, I lived in Uyo, and she was in Lagos, but she only wanted us to be friends.
I later moved to Ibadan for NYSC, but the move had nothing to do with Hope. I wanted the change and saw it as an opportunity to experience a new city. Then, after camp, I visited her in Lagos. Spending that time together changed something between us, and our friendship eventually became a relationship.
Being with her has solidified my decision to settle in Ibadan; I don’t want to be too far away from her.
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.
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