There’s a fine line between love and obsession. But when someone believes they’re entitled to your time, attention and every corner of your life in the name of romance, that line can disappear fast.
For these women, what started as intense affection quickly became unsettling. They share the moments they realised their partners’ behaviour had crossed into obsession, and what it took to walk away.
“My first boyfriend in uni was a mistake. We met at a canteen I visited regularly at school. He seemed sweet and wrote terrible poetry, so I fell for him. I loved how openly affectionate he was. Unlike my friends’ boyfriends, he wasn’t ashamed of showing me off, and that made me feel special. I also became famous as the lover girl in my hostel.
One day, I had to leave school in Kwara for an impromptu visit to my family home in Ibadan. Before leaving, I asked my roommates to tell him I’d be back in a few days when he came looking for me.
Two days later, I woke up to loud wailing outside our house. My father went to check and found my boyfriend rolling around in the dirt.
He was crying and threatening to end his life. He said he had no reason to live if I didn’t follow him back to school. My father had to involve the police.
That incident got me into serious trouble at home, so I ended the relationship. Unfortunately, he didn’t accept the breakup well. I had to involve my course advisor before he left me alone. I think he had a mental issue.”
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“At the beginning of our relationship, my ex’s constant attention was flattering. He constantly told me how much he missed me and acted as if I were the most important person in his world.
The problem was that he expected me to be available all the time.
If I responded late, he’d bombard me with messages. He said it was because he cared and wanted to hear my voice. After a while, his antics got exhausting.
My last straw came six months into our relationship. I’d gone to the cinema with my friends and told him I’d be away from my phone for a while. When the movie ended, I’d gotten over 100 missed calls and 90 messages.
I thought there was an emergency. I rushed to call him back, panicking, and all he asked was, “How was the movie?”
Over time, I grew anxious whenever he called. I ended things shortly afterwards and blocked him everywhere.”
“When I was in SS2, I dated a boy from a different school. Like most secondary school relationships, we didn’t last long. After two months, I got bored and broke up.
What I didn’t know was that the decision would lead to almost two years of lies and stalking. After the breakup, I became friends with a biracial boy on Facebook. We chatted often, shared photos and talked about our plans for university. For more than a year, he was one of my closest online friends.
When I got admission into university, I excitedly shared the news. That’s when he revealed he was attending the same school, and we agreed to meet at one of the parks once we resumed. Imagine my shock when I arrived and realised it was my ex.
He’d created a fake profile to prove we still had a connection. I felt sick. I told him I felt betrayed and warned him to never contact me again. Unfortunately, blocking him online didn’t stop me from seeing him around campus. ”
“My ex struggled to accept the word “no.” If I needed space after an argument, he’d keep calling until I answered. Every boundary I set was just a suggestion to him.
When I finally broke up with him, I thought the worst was over. I was wrong. A month later, I saw him walking down my street. At first, I assumed he was visiting someone, but I kept “running into him” in the neighbourhood.
Eventually, I found out he’d rented an apartment less than five minutes from my house. When I confronted him, he claimed it was a coincidence, but I didn’t believe him.
I only felt safe again after I moved and refused to tell him where I lived.”
“A few years back, I dated an older guy in his late 30s. He seemed level-headed and cool. I used to joke that I wanted a man who was obsessed with me, but that relationship taught me better.
From the beginning, he said he wanted to marry me because of my beauty. I didn’t take it seriously; I assumed he was making his intentions for our future clear. But once we became official, I realised he was obsessed with my looks.
He badgered me for selfies, wanted video calls all the time and complimented my looks during every conversation. It was suffocating.
My final straw was finding my photos on his phone. I was asleep in all the pictures. When I confronted him, he said he was documenting my beauty and looked at the pictures whenever we were apart.
It was so unsettling. What if he wanted to use me for rituals or something?”
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