Joseph* (24) has spent most of his adult years juggling relationships alongside a demanding career. In this story, he shares why he’s found peace in being on his own.
I’m single, and I don’t mind it. I’m a very self-sufficient person. I’m also very busy, so I know a relationship requires time and attention that I don’t always have.
I’ve always been in one relationship or another.
I attended boarding school, and that’s where a lot of my ideas about love started. Back then, it was childish fun. I had multiple girlfriends at the same time, but there was one girl who stood out. Her name was Peace*.
She was smart and popular. I even wrote her a poem once. She ridiculed it, and I cried so much I fell sick. That’s how much I liked her.
By SS1, we’d become closer. She was my first kiss. But she always kept me guessing. I never knew where I stood with her, and before anything could happen, she left school suddenly. I was heartbroken.
About four years later, after the COVID lockdown, I ran into her completely by chance at a restaurant. She was the last person I expected to see.
We spent hours catching up and talking through everything that had happened. She admitted she’d been immature and never intended to hurt me.
Yes, we started talking more. One day, she invited me over to play Scrabble. We were hanging out when things became physical.
Just as we were about to have sex, she told me she wanted to try something different.
She brought out a BDSM kit, and the next thing I knew, she was tying me up. I’d never encountered anything like that before.
At one point, she pulled out a knife and started running it lightly across my skin. I was terrified and excited at the same time. It was one of the most intense sexual experiences I’ve ever had.
I enjoyed it, so we saw each other again after that, but despite the chemistry, I knew it couldn’t last.
Outside of the sex, I realised we weren’t a good fit. She was seeing another guy back at school. She also carried a lot emotionally and had a complicated personal life, which affected our communication.
I knew I’d never be her priority, and I didn’t want her playing with my feelings again. After our second meeting, we drifted apart.
I got into university and started working in my first year, so between lectures and deadlines, I barely had time for serious relationships.
There were plenty of talking stages, but most ended up becoming casual or physical. I’d disappear for hours or days because of work. Eventually, I stopped pursuing serious relationships altogether.
I decided to just float.
Not being tied to anyone. I’d see different people for short periods. Some situations lasted days, some, weeks. At first, it was easier than committing to one person, but it eventually became exhausting.
I didn’t connect deeply with anyone until I met Judith*.
I met her in my third year at university.
We attended the same departmental networking event and ended up working together on a project. She was older than me and a class ahead, but we clicked immediately.
I’ve always been attracted to intelligent women, and I caught myself developing feelings for her. We remained friends after the project ended, but for once, I didn’t know how to make a move.
Thankfully, she made the first move. We agreed to get to know each other before an official relationship.
It didn’t. Once we got closer, I started noticing behaviours that bothered me.
She could be very condescending. Because she was older, she’d often speak to me like a teacher correcting a student. She assumed she knew better because of our age difference.
There was also the issue of religion. One week, she’d be completely comfortable being intimate and spending time together. The next week, she’d decide she was in a spiritual season and disappear.
After about a year together, she graduated and moved away. I was willing to make the distance work, but she grew distant with time. Then one day, she sent me a message saying we were in different stages of life and should maintain a professional relationship.
The message was cold and hurt more than I expected.
I was pained for a long time.
After that relationship ended, I went back to floating. I convinced myself that relationships were stressful and emotionally draining, so I avoided them completely. But by my final year, that mindset changed with Lola*.
She was a coursemate who was two levels below me. Before Judith, we’d actually hooked up casually.
In 2024, we started spending more time together because she’d often come to read where I worked on campus. Being around each other so often brought us closer, and we slipped back into a casual situation.
A few months later, I realised my feelings had grown beyond that. When we talked about it, she admitted she felt the same way, so we made things official.
It started really well.
I was about to graduate while she still had a couple of years left in school. Around the same time, I got a job in the state where she lived, so we saw each other regularly.
The real problem was my work. I eventually moved into an agency role that took up most of my time, and she complained I wasn’t making her a priority.
She also struggled to trust me and often suspected I was seeing other people. We both had histories before becoming exclusive, but while I never judged hers, she couldn’t move past mine. Constantly defending myself became exhausting. The worst part was the frequent arguments.
Usually small misunderstandings.
One day, I stepped out to buy food before she arrived for a visit and got back later than expected. She accused me of deliberately locking her out and, even after I apologised, she kept bringing it up for weeks.
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