Dating an older, wealthier man can come with perks, but sometimes the price is far more than expected. We asked Nigerian women to tell us about the experiences they didn’t see coming when they started dating sugar daddies.
My career would look different today if I hadn’t gotten involved with a married man at 19. I’d stayed with my uncle while waiting to get into nursing school after missing the first admission cycle. When I first met him in 2018, we had a respectful relationship, and I saw him as a helper. Then he started sending me money. I once told him I wanted to eat out and he sent me ₦100k. Eventually, we started having sex.
A few months later, his wife found out and contacted my uncle. It was a small town, and she happened to patronise his business. My uncle was furious. He reported me to my parents and made me leave his house.
I returned home thinking the man would still support me, but he cut off contact. It still hurts because I never got to attend nursing school and had to pursue something else.
We met last year at a club. He sprayed me while we were dancing and eventually asked for my number. He was older, but I was single and thought he seemed nice, so I gave it to him. After a few dates, though, I still wasn’t interested in him.
At the time, I’d been complaining about the bad electricity in my apartment, so he bought me a rechargeable fan and personally delivered it to me. That same day, while we were watching TV, he stripped to his boxers and started touching me. I refused his advances and reminded him that we’d only just met. He got angry and refused to leave.
I had to involve my estate security and a few neighbours. When they arrived, he told them we were dating and claimed he’d spent a lot of money on me. He even showed them his transaction history from our few dates as proof. To my shock, they believed him and asked us to resolve the situation amicably. I had to apologise just to get him to leave.
I was so embarrassed that I cried afterwards. I blocked him and haven’t heard from him since, but the experience traumatised me.
In 2023, I dated a man in his 60s. I knew he was wealthy, but didn’t know much about his business. For weeks, he’d been stressed about disputes with some of his business partners, but I didn’t think much of it until the last night I spent at his house.
It was almost midnight when we heard aggressive banging on the gate. While security was still trying to figure out what was happening, we heard gunshots. He ran to the toilet while I fled to the second floor with one of the maids. She advised we jump from the balcony into a nearby fence. I landed badly and injured my leg. Even now, I still have a slight limp.
He was briefly arrested afterwards, and I later learnt his partners had tried to threaten him. What hurt me most was how little concern he showed after I got injured. We stayed together for a few more months until I got tired of the relationship.
In 2024, I met a man in his late 50s while I was out with friends. He seemed kind and generous, so I gave him a chance. We started talking and eventually began a long-distance relationship because he wasn’t based in Nigeria.
When we finally met again, I had some of the worst experiences of my life.. His hygiene was poor and the sex was disappointing. I spent most of our time together feeling uncomfortable and irritated by everything he did.
After he travelled back, I developed itching in my private area and noticed sores. At first, I thought it was psychological because of how irritated I felt around him, but the hospital diagnosed me with a sexually transmitted bacterial infection. Thankfully, it was treatable.
I made him pay for my treatment, then cut him off a few weeks later. After that experience, I never wanted to see him again.
When I was in uni, I started seeing a man whose family lived abroad. After our first date, we went back to his place, and I was shocked by the state of his house. It was completely upside down, so I offered to help clean up.
Soon, that became a regular thing. He’d ask me to cook for him and call me over to clean and take care of his space. I started wondering if he wanted a girlfriend or a maid. I even suggested he hire someone, but he said he didn’t trust strangers in his space.
When I finally told him I didn’t want to do chores for him anymore, he got angry. He said that if I could enjoy his money, helping him around the house was the least I could do. That was the most degrading thing anyone had ever said to me. It made me realise how much I was taken for granted.
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