Author: Winifred Andem
For many Nigerian men, there’s an unwritten rule that their male friends shouldn’t date their sisters. But why does this rule exist? For some, it’s the infamous “bro code”. For others, it’s less about loyalty and more about knowing exactly how their friends treat the women they claim to love.
In this story, we asked five Nigerian men why they’re uncomfortable with their friends getting romantically involved with their sisters, and what they’d do if their sisters chose to date them anyway.
I think of my friends as family, so the idea of one of them dating my sister just feels weird. I don’t want to be discussing relationship issues with my friends when it’s about my sister.
There’s also the problem of what happens if the relationship goes wrong. If my friend cheated on her, would I tell her? I’d probably struggle because I’m loyal to my friend. If he became abusive, I might find myself making excuses for him because I know him, instead of reacting the way I would to a stranger. I can’t control who my sister dates, but I draw the line at my friends.
I see my friends’ sisters as family, so I don’t have any sexual interest in them. I expect my friends to think about my sister the same way, which is why I’d be uncomfortable if one of them told me he liked her. I’d make it clear that I’m not okay with it. If he still pursues the relationship, I’d withdraw from him and eventually end the friendship.
That said, I don’t get to decide who my sister dates. If she chooses my friend, I wouldn’t cut her off, but I’d be really annoyed. She’s free to make her choices, but there still needs to be some level of acceptance from me. Otherwise, it would make things uncomfortable for everyone.
I already know what will befall my sister if she dares to date any of my friends. My friends talk openly about their experiences, so I’ve seen how some of them treat women. Some are reckless and verbally abusive. Also, they’re not dating with the intention to settle down; I don’t want my sister to waste her time like that.
That said, the friends I have now are interested in marriage, so I wouldn’t have a problem with them approaching her. I don’t have a say in who she dates, but I hope that the relationship we have has taught her the ideal qualities to look for in a romantic partner.
Some of my friends are womanisers and aren’t ready to commit to one person. I don’t want that for my sister. But if she liked one of them and insisted on the relationship, I wouldn’t try to stop her. I’d tell her everything I knew about his behaviour so she could make an informed decision. My loyalty is to my sister because she’s family. She deserves to know exactly what she’s getting into.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a man dating his friend’s sister. For me, it’s a matter of trust and, more importantly, age. My sister and I have a significant age difference, so I’d be disgusted and uncomfortable if one of my friends expressed interest in her. I also doubt she’d be ready for marriage anytime soon, which would make the situation even more uncomfortable for me.
If she and my friend were around the same age and she was comfortable with him, I’d feel differently. Ultimately, I can only advise and look out for her, but the final decision is hers.
ALSO READ: Nigerian Men on What They Want But Don’t Say in Relationships
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