It’s very easy to assume your parents no longer owe you much once you become a full-grown adult with your own family. In fact, most people expect that’s when you should start paying them back for all their sacrifices. But for these Nigerians, that hasn’t been the case.
Even as adults with jobs, children and responsibilities of their own, their parents still find ways to show up for them financially, whether it’s paying their rent, sending them monthly allowances or helping them through difficult times.
I’m married with kids, and so are my two siblings. We all have our own jobs, but our dad still insists on sending us monthly allowances. It’s not because he’s extremely wealthy or anything. He’s just always worried about how we’re coping with how expensive everything is. He constantly says life wasn’t this hard during his own time, so he wants to chip in. I don’t know how much my siblings get, but I’m the lastborn and receive ₦150k every month. It’s something I really appreciate. At this point, he doesn’t really owe us anything. But he has refused to let us figure things out ourselves.
My parents have paid my rent twice. They initially opposed my decision to move out, but I eventually made them see reason. At the time, my rent was about ₦850k, and I could afford it without issues. Then my landlord increased it to ₦1.5m in 2024, and I struggled to raise the whole amount.
I eventually told my mum, who told my dad. I was initially angry because I knew he’d ask me to come home. Instead, I randomly received a ₦1m alert from him for rent. I wasn’t planning to ask them this year, but he sent it again because my rent expires in October. I probably would have figured out my rent regardless, but having parents who are still showing up for me like that isn’t something I take for granted.
I lost my job last year, and things became really tough. I tried to keep everything from my mum because I didn’t want her to worry, but she eventually found out. Since then, she sends foodstuff to our house at least once every two months and has put me on a monthly allowance. The funny thing is that she’ll still call sometimes to ask me to do small things, like recharge her phone or buy something. I’ll start panicking that I’m stressing her finances, only for her to send my allowance again at the end of the month. I’m finally starting a business soon, and she’s financing part of it. She’s my role model for the type of father I want to be. I don’t subscribe to the idea that your parents don’t owe you anything once you’re past a certain age. Obviously, this shouldn’t encourage entitlement. But you should have that assurance that if everything else fails, there’s always love and help at home.
I lost my husband in 2023, and since then, my parents have insisted on paying the school fees of my two children. I don’t even have to remind them before they pay. I work and I’m also catered for by my late husband’s estate, but I’m still grateful that at my age, I have parents who are willing to take care of me like that. They actually wanted to send me money for upkeep too, but I refused. That’s why they insisted on paying my children’s school fees instead. I’m always grateful because having parents who still care for me this way means everything.
I’m 32 and still living with my parents, and they still take care of me. When I was about to turn 30, I put so much pressure on myself to leave their house. They weren’t complaining; I was the one who felt I shouldn’t still be there. So I moved out and started squatting with a friend, but my life got worse. I suffered in every sense of the word. One day, I went home, and my parents were genuinely worried by how I looked. I broke down and told my mum everything. She made sure I moved back that same week, and they’ve never pressured me.
My siblings and I have been blessed with the kindest parents. At our age, we still go to them when we’re in need, and they come through for us. I’m always shocked when people complain about black tax because I can’t relate. In my family, it’s the opposite. If any of us runs into major financial trouble, our parents are the first people we call. They’ve removed the pressure of thinking you can’t ask your parents for help after a certain age. I don’t like asking all the time because I want to maintain that respect, but they don’t care. They still see us as their little children.
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.
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