In the second episode of Naijaonpoint’s 100 Nigerians: Anatomy of a Marriage, we asked married Nigerians to get honest about what it took to stay back in a marriage, especially when trust has been broken.
From partners who confessed their own infidelity to those who endured the painful process of uncovering a spouse’s betrayal, these stories reveal the grief, bargaining and difficult conversations that determine what comes after an affair.
My husband moved to Germany in 2019 while I remained in Nigeria. The distance was tough, but I stayed faithful and counted down the days until we could finally be together again. When I visited him in 2021, I found messages that revealed he’d been involved with another woman.
I was devastated. He apologised and insisted it had ended long before, but I was hurt. After I returned to Nigeria, I started an affair with a colleague who’d been flirting with me for months. I thought it would even the score or make me feel better. Instead, I felt guilty and ashamed.
I joined my husband in Germany in 2024, and we’ve spent the last year rebuilding our marriage. The trust didn’t return overnight, but we’re still together and slowly finding our way back to each other.
My wife and I belonged to the same friendship circle before we got married. There had always been chemistry between her and another friend, but he moved abroad and life went on. We got married, built a life together and I never had any reason to doubt her.
Years later, a mutual friend told me my wife had admitted to kissing him after we’d married. When I confronted her, she admitted.
I chose to forgive her, but I couldn’t stop asking myself difficult questions. Had she settled for me because he wasn’t around? Four years later, we’re still together, but I still don’t trust her the way I used to. Whenever she’s away, I worry more than I should.
My husband has cheated on me multiple times throughout our marriage. Whenever I confronted him, he’d either deny it or turn the conversation into a lecture about respect.
For years, I hoped he’d change. Eventually, I realised fighting the same battle over and over only drained me. It never changed him. These days, I focus on my children and my peace. Whenever we’re intimate, we use protection because I refuse to put my health at risk.
People might not understand why I stayed, but marriage isn’t that simple. I’m not willing to walk away from everything we’ve built because of his behaviour.
One day, our children showed me messages they’d found on my wife’s phone. As I read them, I realised she’d been exchanging explicit messages with another man. I later discovered money was involved, which she claims drew her into the relationship.
The affair hurt, but knowing our children uncovered her infidelity hurt even more. They should never have been exposed to something like that.
Our families eventually stepped in, and she cut off contact with the man. Since then, we’ve tried to rebuild our marriage. What I still struggle with is her attitude. I don’t think she truly understands the pain, embarrassment and humiliation the affair caused, especially for our children.
I didn’t realise my husband was addicted to pornography until it started affecting our marriage. What began as requests to experiment in the bedroom gradually escalated into fantasies involving peeing, choking and other things I wasn’t comfortable with.
My breaking point came when he wanted us to try anal sex. I told him that if those experiences mattered that much, he’d have to find someone else because I wasn’t willing to compromise my health.
To my shock, he did. His confession hurt, but it also forced us into honest conversations we’d avoided for years. We’ve accepted that we have very different expectations around sex and our marriage has become more peaceful since we stopped trying to change each other.
In 2017, my husband became deeply religious and decided to come clean about his past. During one of those conversations, he confessed that he’d cheated on me with two women I knew.
I was blindsided. We’d been married for years and I’d never suspected a thing. The betrayal was painful enough, but what hurt most was realising something so significant had happened under my nose.
He confessed because he wanted to move forward with a clear conscience, and I chose to stay.
Years later, the memory still returns when I least expect it. Sometimes I still wonder how someone I trusted so completely managed to keep a secret that big for so long.
My wife and I have struggled to conceive since we got married, and the emotional toll has been enormous for both of us. During one conversation, she joked that she’d soon try having a child with someone else.
She laughed it off, but I couldn’t. I kept replaying those words and wondering whether she’d considered it. For the first time, I questioned both her commitment to our marriage and my adequacy as a husband.
We’ve talked about it since, and she insists it was only a joke. But I haven’t been able to let it go. Even though I have no reason to believe she’s been unfaithful, I catch myself watching her differently.
Before I married my husband, I made one thing clear: I never wanted a polygamous marriage. He grew up around polygamy but promised it would never happen to us.
12 years later, someone called to tell me he’d impregnated another woman and planned to marry her. He broke a promise he’d made to me. I stopped speaking to him for a while because I couldn’t understand how the man I trusted could make a decision that would change our family forever.
Still, he went ahead with the marriage. Accepting that he has a second family is one of the hardest things I’ve done. We’re still together because he respects the boundaries I set. He keeps his other family completely separate from ours. Since they got married in 2022, I’ve only seen them once.
My husband cheated on me before we got married. I knew, but he convinced me it meant nothing emotionally. According to him, casual sex didn’t count as cheating, and I was young enough to believe him.
Marriage didn’t change anything. The affairs continued, usually during work trips or nights out with friends. Eventually, I grew numb. We’re still married, but infidelity changed how I see him. I slowly fell out of love, and these days, I’m only here because the marriage still benefits me.
My wife confessed to an affair in 2014. We were struggling financially, and I wasn’t handling it well. I shut down emotionally and pushed her away every time she tried to get close. She said she felt lonely and neglected, but that explanation didn’t make the betrayal hurt any less.
I was convinced the marriage was over. I only stayed because our children were still young. I told myself I’d leave once they were older. But I never did.
Life slowly improved. I became more financially stable, and we found our way back to each other. I still wish she’d chosen a different way to deal with our problems. But I’ve also accepted that my emotional withdrawal created cracks in our marriage. Today, I no longer want a divorce.
My husband always promised he’d never take another wife. Then, in 1998, one of his cousins told me he was preparing to marry a younger woman. I was blindsided. He’d been transferred to a state near his hometown, and, from everything I later learnt, his family pressured him into marrying again.
What hurt most was that no one told me until the wedding day. Still, I attended and shared souvenirs. I wanted him to know I was aware.
The look on his face told me he’d never imagined I’d show up. Afterwards, I refused to compete with his new wife and continued treating him with kindness. As the universe will have it, their marriage didn’t last. Within three years, it had fallen apart.
One of my husband’s friends casually mentioned he had a girlfriend in the city where he worked.
At first, I thought it was a misunderstanding. Then I looked into it and found out it was true. Whenever he came home, I barely acknowledged him. We lived like strangers for months, and at one point, we were essentially separated.
But that wasn’t the end of our story. Eventually, time brought us back together. He moved back home full-time in 2024, and we had to face each other again. We started talking, listening to each other and were forced to deal with everything we’d avoided for years. Today, we’re in a much better place.
My wife has cheated on me more than once. Each time, she’d apologise, promise to change and eventually do it again. One day, I simply stopped fighting. I work away from home for long stretches, and I got tired of trying to change someone who didn’t want to change.
Eventually, the anger disappeared. So did the disappointment about what our union had come to.
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