Love Life: We Married Young After an Unplanned Pregnancy. 10 Years Later, We’re Still Here

Love Life is a Naijaonpoint weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

Komi (31) and Layo (30) met at the University of Ibadan in January 2013.

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about getting pregnant in their third year together, being forced into marriage by their parents, losing their first baby, and building a life while navigating judgement and early parenthood.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.

Komi: I met Layo at the University of Ibadan in January 2013. I was heading to the park to board a taxi when I spotted my friend, Suliat, with a group of girls. I immediately noticed Layo; she was light-skinned, pretty, and had nice hips. So, I called Suliat over and asked for an intro but she didn’t take me seriously. She said Layo isn’t someone I could mess around with just for the sake of it.

I eventually approached Layo and asked for her number. She hesitated before she gave in. When I tried calling her later, it didn’t connect. I thought she’d given me a fake number. But I kept trying, and it eventually went through.  That’s how our story started.

Layo: I remember that day clearly. We were returning home after a long class when we ran into Komi. I noticed him staring at me intensely and cracking jokes. In my head, I thought, “Who’s this clown?”

Then he asked for my number, and I said no at first. But he was really funny and down-to-earth, so I gave in. I told him I wasn’t interested in any relationship, just friendship. I’d just gotten out of one and wanted to focus on school.

Still, when we returned to the hostel, I asked Suliat about Komi, and she had only good things to say.

Komi: Before UI, I had done  my A-levels at The Polytechnic, Ibadan, and I was really into girls back then.

There was one I had kind of an undefined thing with. She still came around after I got into U.I, but I’d moved on from that polytechnic phase. I only wanted to focus on U.I girls. Funny enough, I was actually seeing her off to the taxi park the day I first saw Layo. The babe eventually relocated to the US, which gave me a clean shot at chasing Layo.

Layo: Komi asked me out on a date, but I turned him down at first. He pestered Suliat to talk to me until I agreed.

We took a walk to the Love Garden, a park inside U.I,  and spent time getting to know each other. We both discovered our love for music, and that was our strongest connection.

Komi: That first date was very special because it showed me how much I wanted to spend time with Layo. We listened to music the whole time. Afterwards, I was restless and couldn’t stop thinking of her.

I had to ask myself if I wanted a friendship or something more.

When we met later that week, we took another walk. On the way back, I asked her to be my girlfriend. She broke into laughter and told me I was joking. But I was determined to show how serious I was, so I sat on the floor and said I wouldn’t stand up until she said yes.

Layo: I was so mortified. My mum worked at the university, and Komi’s display wasn’t far from her office. He pulled this in broad daylight.

But a part of me felt that if he could go through that level of embarrassment just to get me, he deserved a chance. The chemistry was there, and it was a shot worth taking.

Komi: They were sweet days. I was 18 and a virgin. Because of my religious background, I intended to remain a virgin until marriage. Layo was the same. So we didn’t explore things physically. It was more about building a really strong friendship as lovers. We were obsessed with music, and we spent most of our time enjoying it. At some point, she also started making my meals when she found out I had an ulcer.

Layo: I fell in love with Komi because of how much he decentered the physical side of romantic love that other guys obsessed over. With him, it was all about building pure friendship. He didn’t obsess over my body, and that made me fall deeper.

My first boyfriend was more interested in the physical, but I couldn’t give him that. Just like Komi, I come from a strong religious background. My parents are pastors. So it felt good getting exactly what I needed from Komi: pure, genuine friendship.

Komi: During this period, I had a “ bad guy” reputation in school. I was the face of my faculty and was always around women, an “ashewo boy” so to speak. So seeing Layo, a nerdy girl from the faculty of basic medical science, choose me felt strange to people. They wondered why she was with me, but those same people didn’t know it was all a facade. Behind the scenes, I was someone else who found peace and comfort in Layo.

Layo: Everyone around me monitored Komi, almost like they wanted an “I told you so” moment. But Komi and I knew he was nothing like the guy who made sexual jokes or couldn’t draw the line. That was all for show.

Layo: We got intimate in the third year of our relationship, and that was another level of getting to know each other.

Komi: I was Mr UI and had my own private room, so we made out a lot. We couldn’t get enough of each other physically. Toward the end of our third year together, we decided to have sex. We were both clueless, but we went with it anyway. After sex, there was bleeding, but we assumed that was normal, probably from her hymen. However, the bleeding didn’t stop.

Layo: My cervix tore, and I ended up at the school clinic the next day. I was so clueless that I had to call my aunt about the bleeding. I thought sex had triggered my period, but she said if it didn’t stop after a day, I should go to the hospital. The crazy part is she told us to try having sex again, and we did. That was when the bleeding became severe.

Komi: I was terrified because Layo is an only child. The school clinic couldn’t handle it, so they referred her to another hospital. At that point, we had to involve her parents. I went to see her, but I was too scared to go inside. I just stood at a distance watching her parents pace around while she went in for surgery.  I eventually had to tell my parents, too.

Layo called me the next day after surgery, and I was so relieved. I rushed to the hospital without thinking about her parents, and her dad and godfather tried to rough me up. I apologised, and that was basically it.

Layo: Not immediately. We took a break from physical intimacy for months, but not from each other.

Fast forward to December 2016, when Komi was turning 21, and we tried again. He was in a bad mood because his dad reneged on a promise to throw him a 21st birthday party. So I visited with gifts to cheer him up. We got intimate, but couldn’t even finish because someone interrupted us. But we were in for another long ride.

Komi: We went on a break shortly after, and I started rethinking everything, including the relationship.  I wanted to chase new dreams: Mr Nigeria, Big Brother Naija, MTV Base VJ Search. I loved Layo, but I also wanted to prioritise myself.

Then on January 11, 2016, Layo called to tell me she was pregnant. It felt like my world was crashing, and I immediately started searching for ethical ways to abort.

Layo: I remember checking my account balance to see if I had enough money to run away. My father is an Ijesha man, so there was no way I was bringing home a child out of wedlock.

We tried everything: salt, vitamin C, extreme exercise, every low-effort method we’d heard could end a pregnancy. Nothing worked. Komi suggested telling my dad, but I shut it down immediately. I asked if if hee had a death wish.

I dreamt that the pregnancy didn’t survive, so we returned to school and carried on like normal.

Around March, I was climbing the stairs to my hostel when I suddenly felt a gush of blood and water. I was excited because I thought everything we’d tried had finally worked. I went to an off-campus hospital for an evacuation, but the doctor told me the baby was perfectly healthy. They referred me back to the school clinic, and that was how my mum found out.

Komi: Both our mums were devastated. They didn’t know how to tell our fathers. I remember watching my mum cry. I’d done stupid things before, but this was the first time I’d pushed her to tears.

Layo: When my dad found out, he wanted an abortion immediately, but my mum told him it was too late. I’d already finished my first trimester. That really broke him.

Komi: My parents came to my hostel the next day, and we all drove to Layo’s house. The night before, I’d sent my parents a long message saying I was running away because I’d failed them, but nobody addressed it. When we got to Layo’s house, the atmosphere was tense. I sat beside her but couldn’t even look at her. I felt completely overwhelmed, like I’d ruined her life.

As we sat there quietly, our parents talked. Out of nowhere, my dad suggested marriage. I objected immediately. I’d already applied for Mr Nigeria and listed myself as single because it was part of the criteria. I was training hard, building my body and planning my future. Marriage wasn’t part of the plan. My dad nearly punched me, and that was when I realised how angry he really was.

What do you think about this?
Drop your opinion in the comment section.
FOLLOW US & Share this with someone who needs to see this.