In the 7th episode of Naijaonpoint’s 100 Nigerians: Anatomy of a Marriage, we asked married Nigerians to open up about the realities of long-distance relationships.
From newlyweds who transitioned to painful long-distance arrangements immediately after saying “I do”, to couples doing the hard work of keeping love alive after every long-overdue reunion, these stories reveal the grit, loneliness, and absolute resilience required to love someone from thousands of miles away.
Three months after our wedding, I relocated to the UK. At the time, we told ourselves it would only be for a year. That year became three. I only went home during the Christmas break to say hello.
Nobody told me that long-distance marriage isn’t just about missing someone physically. It’s about missing the small things, like eating together, arguing over silly things and seeing her face after a difficult day. I sorted my physical needs with sex workers and tried not to think about whether my wife was doing the same back in Nigeria.
Instead, I focused on making sure we became better at communicating. There were times I worried we were becoming pen pals instead of spouses. But now, I’m grateful for the love that kept us together until we could be in the same place again. She’s moved over to my side now, thankfully. Those long years apart taught me how important physical presence is in a marriage.
My husband works offshore and can be away for months at a time. Every time he leaves, I have to adjust to life without him. Then, when he returns, I have to adjust all over again. It’s like constantly switching between being married and being single. Sometimes the transitions are harder than the separation itself.
We’ve had to learn to be intentional about reconnecting emotionally because intimacy doesn’t automatically return just because someone comes home. At the beginning, I resented him being away so much that our s*x life began to suffer. We had to go for counselling to get over that hump, and things have gotten better since then.
The biggest surprise about long-distance marriage is how quickly loneliness can creep in, even when you’re talking every day. I moved to Canada in search of greener pastures, but my wife and kids can’t join me yet. For now, we’re stuck with phone calls.
Even though we talk frequently, there are moments technology can’t replace. When you’re sick, stressed or celebrating something, you want your person physically by your side. It was my idea to go to Canada, but the separation has taken a harder toll on me. Every time my wife sends me photos, I feel like I’m missing crucial parts of our children’s lives. I can’t wait till this part is behind us.
My husband moved to the UK six months after our wedding. For a while, I felt like I was living two separate lives. Online, I was somebody’s wife. Offline, I was alone.
The weirdest part was how people treated me like a married woman, but my daily reality looked a lot like being single. I’d go to bed alone, fix problems alone and make major decisions alone. Sometimes I felt guilty about admitting how lonely I was because, technically, I wasn’t alone. I had a husband. He just happened to be thousands of kilometres away.
Last December, I got a visa, and we spent the holidays together. It felt like the sun had come out again. I don’t recommend a long-distance marriage if you’re a lover girl.
My wife and I tried the thing where one person moves abroad first, and the other joins later. We barely lasted a year.
When you’re only speaking over calls and texts, you naturally start summarising your day rather than fully sharing it. After a while, we’d tell each other the highlights but not the details. I eventually started feeling a distance between us that scared me.
I hated that there were parts of her daily life I knew almost nothing about. When the UK tightened its policies and made immigration tougher, I called my wife and told her I was coming home. The relief on her face told me I’d done the right thing.
I’m a truck driver, and I have to travel frequently for work. For a long time, I convinced myself my wife had adjusted to it. After all, I sent upkeep money regularly and made sure she and our kids were comfortable. In my mind, I was doing all this for them.
Then one day, while I was visiting home, she poured out her mind. She said handling everything alone while I was away was too much for her. Hearing that made me feel bad. I thought she was having it easier, but that day she showed me she was struggling.
I now make sure I’m never away from home for more than a week. It’s not perfect, but we’re making it work until we can find a more permanent solution.
When you’re together physically, affection can happen naturally. When you’re apart, it’s a different ball game. You have to create opportunities for connection instead of waiting for them to happen naturally. A few weeks after my husband travelled for film school, I noticed our conversations had become repetitive because all we discussed were bills, work and responsibilities.
We had to stop and decide that we wanted this to work. Then we started scheduling online dates and watching films together. He’ll soon graduate, and I can’t wait for him to come back home to me.
I had to briefly move to Abuja to oversee the construction of the home I was building for our family. During that period, I only went home once or twice a month.
The problem was that, over time, I became insecure about leaving my wife alone for so long. If she took longer than usual to reply to my messages, my mind would immediately start creating stories.
I knew she was probably busy, but the distance made every feeling seem bigger than it was. I was forced to confront and overcome insecurities I didn’t even realise I had. When you’re apart, you need to go the extra mile to remind yourself of the partner you have and the kind of person they are.
My husband relocated two days after our wedding in 2025, and for seven months, our marriage was sustained by phone calls, texts, and video calls.
My friends would ask how we were coping with the distance, and I’d always say we were fine. But the truth was more complicated. Some days were manageable. Other days, I’d come home to an empty apartment and cry because I was tired of being alone.
I’d pick fights with him, but he never lost his cool. When I finally saw him again, I was so happy. It felt like those months apart had been a bad dream.
My husband was an accountant and travelled frequently. During peak periods, he’d be away for months at a time. At first, I missed him so much it was painful. But after a while, I got used to it.
We had two kids, and I poured my time into taking care of them. At some point, I thought he might have a secret family in another state. But as long as they didn’t disturb my children or me, I wasn’t too worried about it.
The constant distance wrecked our intimacy, though. After our third child was born in 1999, I no longer felt the urge to have s*x with him. He didn’t pressure me, and we continued our marriage like that until he passed away in 2019.
My husband lived abroad for four years because he was trying to get a residency visa. I had to stay back with our children.
As time passed, I learned to solve problems on my own and make big decisions without him. I think a part of me resented him for leaving me with the kids, but another part of me missed him when he was gone.
The damage was already done by the time we eventually reunited. We’d both developed separate routines and ways of doing things, and it almost broke our marriage. It took prayer and learning how to function as a team again to avoid divorce.
People often assume long-distance marriages fail because of infidelity. In my experience, the bigger threat is emotional drift. You can love someone deeply and still become disconnected if you’re not careful.
We were apart for six months while I pursued a diploma in Brazil. Things got so busy that, at one point, we couldn’t find the time to connect.
I didn’t even notice how distant we’d become. She was the one who pointed it out. After that, I became intentional about setting aside time to talk about things other than our responsibilities. It actually deepened our bond. It felt like we were dating again. By the time I returned, we felt closer than we had in months.
The first time my husband came home after almost a year away on deployment, I was shocked by how irritated I felt.
I’d imagined a romantic reunion, but instead, I found myself annoyed that he was disrupting my routines. I’d gotten so used to being alone and doing things without him. Suddenly, there was another person in the house again.
I think long-distance marriage can make independence feel addictive. Every time my husband comes home, I have to relearn how to share my space with him. But once I adjust, I love having him around, and I hate when he has to leave.
Spending more time out of the house always makes me feel like a guest in my own home.
Whenever I return from travelling, my wife and kids already have their routines. They know where everything is, how everything works and what their schedules look like.
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