Sunken Ships is a Naijaonpoint weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.
Ada* (28) believed she’d found a relationship worth fighting for when she met Obaloluwa* in 2022. For nearly two years, things seemed to be heading in the right direction. But a betrayal, followed by an unexpected breakup, left her questioning everything she knew about love and self-worth.
For Sunken Ships, she talks about navigating her ex’s infidelity, the aftermath and how she’s rebuilding her self-trust.
We met at a cafe in October 2022. I had gone there to work because the light in my area was bad. The place was full, so when he came in, we had to share a table, and we started talking.
I wasn’t actively looking for a relationship, but we clicked almost immediately. He was funny and charming, so when he asked for my number, I was happy to give him. After that, we started chatting regularly. A few months later, we officially started dating.
Honestly, they were great. He became a big part of my life very quickly and made me feel seen. We talked every day and even started making plans for the future we wanted.
Around the year-and-a-half mark. It wasn’t a dramatic shift at first. I noticed he became less present when we were together. When we were apart, he took longer to reply to messages, and he stopped sharing details of his day. Whenever I brought it up, he had an explanation or an excuse. I didn’t think about it too deeply because I thought we were just past the honeymoon phase. Then, during one of my visits to his place, I went through his phone while he was sleeping and found out he’d been seeing another woman.
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I felt so hurt and betrayed. I had opened up my heart to him, and he didn’t cherish me enough to be faithful. I remember sitting and staring into space for hours. I couldn’t even cry immediately because I was so shocked.
Yes, I did as soon as he woke up, and he admitted it. He spent the whole day apologising to me. He said he loved me and didn’t want to lose me. He also swore it was a mistake and promised never to do it again if I gave him another chance.
I forgave him. Not because what he did wasn’t terrible, but I genuinely believed he was willing to change. I think people can learn from their mistakes, so I was willing to give him another chance.
I really wanted us to put it all behind us and survive it. We spent weeks talking about rebuilding trust, and I saw him put in the effort he’d promised into reassuring me.
At first, yes. He became very attentive and doting. He went back to sharing his days and interests with me like he did when we first met.
After a month had passed, I felt like he was pulling away again, and I was afraid he’d gone back on his word.
Yes. I told him he was being distant and told him to open up to me. His response blindsided me.
He said he didn’t think he could continue our relationship because I took him back so soon and acted as if nothing had happened, which made him worried about my self-esteem.
I was so confused and angry. I was trying my best to move forward, and that was why he wanted to leave? I couldn’t believe it.
I still fought for us. I tried to make him understand that I wanted to prioritise strengthening our relationship rather than wallowing in the past, but his mind was already made up. According to him, my forgiveness came too easily for him to believe I’d ever take a stand on any bigger issues we faced as a couple.
I think leaving was easier than doing the work required to heal our relationship. I also think he didn’t believe that I had truly forgiven him.
It’s been a long road since then. I had to come to terms with the fact that I may have had low self-esteem to take back a cheater, only for him to leave me. I’ve been saying positive affirmations to my reflection in mirrors to help increase my trust and confidence in myself. I also decided to pick up a gym habit. Following through with the things I promise myself, like working out three times a week, has helped increase my faith in myself and self-discipline.
I am. The experience definitely did a number on me, but it didn’t destroy my belief in love. I’m much stricter now, though. I’ll never let a man play with my heart like that again.
Read Next: Sunken Ships: My Fiancée Left Me Twice. Now She Wants a Third Chance.
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